How are you? (people answer)
Actually I don’t care. No one cares. People say "how are you?” much like we say “Bonjour” in French or “Hello" (WITH a BRITISH ACCENT) where these two live, or “Hola” in some Spanish speaking country, more or less under the influence of a ruthless ruler or some powerful drugs.
Because NO ONE CARES how anybody is doing. So next time you see me just say “Hi”.
That being said...
If my informant is accurate, it would seem that Spain houses more than cheap brothels (my daughter once told me that the young girls wearing bathing suits on the side of the road near the Costa Brava, were not teenagers hitchhiking to go to the beach, but young prostitutes looking to make a quick buck); as I was saying Spain houses more than brothels and tapas, because our couple gathered here have met in Barcelona.
If we take in consideration that Nico speaks French, English and German and that Emma speaks Spanish, French and English, what language is Matilde going to speak? How is she going to grow up in that multilingual environment? What language do they speak at home? How messed up is she gonna be by the time she starts school? Or, for that matter, does Jules fart when he dreams in Scottish?
Some of us met Nico when he was a young fart without a care in the world and enjoying the good life and the spoils that it entails. Meanwhile, Emma was growing up across the world in an environment as lush as a plump woman disrobing at the first signs of summer. They both have the common denominator of growing in globetrotter’s family with the world as their playground and a thirst for discovering world cultures and enjoying life in the process. How odd for a couple that has now settled in the metropolis of London where lush and enjoyment are as synonymous as techno music and acid among Franciscan monks.
Speaking of religious characters, it reminds me of an anecdote:
All the nuns at the orphanage were ruthless, except for Sister Frances.
Only when Sister Frances taught etiquette on Wednesdays did I relax and feel any sort of happiness, otherwise I was on guard and trusted no one with what I saw at night.
I became oblivious to all that because all I could think of was the promise Sister Frances had made me. I had imagined all sorts of erotic thoughts but when she appeared in my room stark naked, my jaw dropped as she gently placed her dentures on the nightstand and walked lasciviously toward me.
Livestock was more appetizing. So I made my decision, and placed my foot on the open window ledge, a clear view of the grounds five stories below….
Though a fairly large woman of 57 ½, Sister Frances moved swiftly across the room, unencumbered by clothing.Her hefty, yet flappy breasts bouncing up and down, to the rhythm of her run, the rest of her body bouncing along. She caught me in the nick of time.
I was breathing hard and slightly disoriented and when I turned around to face her.
Now, I keep only vague memories of the encounter. However, I do recall, and rumors continued to haunt the halls of the orphanage for many months, that Sister Frances was in a cheery mood for weeks after our ‘affair’.
But I digress,
You may ask yourselves some questions like what are Nico and Emma gonna do now? Where are they gonna live next? Where did I park my car? (in the village, duh!) How many mojitos did I have? (if you ask yourself how many, you can have one more) What color will Ksénia’s first car be? How do you say “I have an ingrown toenail" in German?
Such questions are secondary because we are here to party and enjoy Nico and Emma’s union, without papers, without churches, with friends and family members that matter to them.
To that end, I would like to summon those who have the rings to deliver.
Now, does anyone have anything to say, such as vows or anything important that we could have missed?
Ok, so we may begin (to Emma), «may I have your full name please?», then (turn to Nico), «please state your full name».
Now Emma repeat after me: «I give you this ring as a symbol of our love»
And Nico repeat after me "I give you this ring as a symbol of our love".
I will now give each of you these powders made from soil collected nearby. Emma you will take the light one as a token of the brightness of your eyes for Nico. Nico you will take the red one as a token of the fire in your heart for Emma. Please pour into together in this bottle as a symbol of your love coming together.
Congratulations, you are ALMOST legally married to each other as husband and wife, or wife and husband.
You may kiss each other with or without the tongue.
As for the others, you may drink up and enjoy the party.
Any comments, come see me later.
